kissing Gus

As a couple, my husband and I are pretty disciplined about our dog walking responsibilities.  We appreciate that our pets need the exercise and the variety of being outdoors getting some fresh air. To prevent boredom for all involved, we often get in the car and take them to the nearby coffee shop. The dogs can work on their social skills with other humans and dogs.  We can see our neighbors and friends and enjoy a beverage.

Our english bulldogs, Gus and his brother Zeke got to go to the coffee shop today with my husband. They loved the walk, met nice people and soaked up a little bit of sunshine. Many people came over and met the boys and a family with a little girl asked some common dog questions. While my husband talked with the parents, the little girl petted the bulldogs.  Then it happened again.  The little girl planted a wet one on Gus's nose. She grabbed his furry jowls and smooched away.My Gus kindly accepted her tender greeting. He loves children, She did not kiss his brother Zeke for some reason.   I do not understand why this keeps happening. 

None of the other dogs get kisses from kiddos-- it's just Gus. It is true that he looks like a big white teddy bear. I like to think that children just know who they can approach that closely. At a young age perhaps children can read the mannerisms of my sweet guy and know that he is all about love.

Whatever you are doing Gus-- keep it up. I think that you have it all figured out.

three dogs at my feet

I love when bulldogs snore.
The sounds of fur children at rest is heart warming and reassuring. No matter how cold it is outside- or how much snow may be in the clouds, right now we can relax and regroup. Our weary bones can rest. The busy day of chores, exercise, errands and grocery shopping is behind us.
Simple Saturday nights filled with snoring dogs, silent cell phones, and super hot water to soak in.
It is safe to say that it is- super.

fresh eyes

Perhaps the new start of the year 2015 will give me the opportunity to see things how they are, not how I want them to be? 
I ask this (as a question to myself) because I realize how emotionally buried I have been for at least the last six months. The intense Summer-- with the care of our little cardiac guy. The Fall-- filled with the grief of running out of ways to help him.
I feel shattered (still)  but realize it is time to resolve to my reality and step forward.

I work with dogs daily at a local dog daycare. I LOVE THE DOGS. 
I appreciate their honesty and authenticity. Dogs stay "present tense" and do not get caught in stories. I am "present tense" with them always- and I can focus on how best to serve them. They respond instantly.  There is no awkward silence-- like there is with humans.

Fresh eyes. New Year. Look to my dogs when I am unsure.

Happy 2015!       I sure hope it will be...

sometimes you need cruise control in your life

I hesitate to start this post on my blog.
I have got up twice since I decided to try and write.
I want to be honest and real with myself, and keep myself in "present tense" in my own life.
It just happens to be really hard today. I miss you.

Double Pulmonary Stenosis with Partial Heart Failure

Two weeks ago, we lost him.
 I cry-- even when I type the words.

In my head, I know that it is better that he is gone. He fought valiantly. There was no way for him to win. We could not fix it. In my heart, I still feel like I failed.
I guess that it is good that I am  busy. The distractions and obligations can keep me on "auto pilot" while I comprehend this.

This blog is one of the balls that I have dropped.   This is on purpose...
It is very hard to get honest with myself and write. The sadness is too painful to touch.
 I know that we go on.  I will see him again in heaven.
I am just pissed off at this loss in my life.

preschoolers and puppies

Day two at the gym went well today. The introduction of one of the puppies with a friend's adult dog went well also. Two items on my gratitude list. The one thing that I want to work on from today (that comes to mind) is to not take for granted my time with my favorite three year old.

I thought that bringing the puppy would be fun for her. I had hoped that she would like to play with him, and also that the puppy could get socialized. I was hoping for a win-win. As I reflect upon the afternoon, I think that there was guarded success and that the afternoon was okay. Nothing stressful or terrible happened,  I just think that the rhythm of the afternoon was different. It was too busy.

There is nothing like a child or a favored pet to help you stay in the present tense.
Thank goodness for that
.
I realized tonight that I did too much "adult stuff" with my friends this afternoon. Next time I will play more. Just like my puppy today who did not know the correct way to play with the new acquaintance, I will learn and be more deliberate in my time to play with my friends.. I will try my best to look through the eyes of the child-- or the pup-- and see what they may want. Give and Take. I learn so much from preschoolers and puppies.

a Sunday afternoon sweat

After a several month hiatus, we have rejoined our local YMCA. In our household it makes no sense financially, but it makes perfect sense from a health and wellness point of view.

I never thought that I could miss the gym but I did. No, I do not love the exertion or the heart rate increase. I absolutely hate the getting there and the warmup. But-- I do love the endorphins released and the sweat that pours. The cobwebs in my mind are cleared away and my shoulders are not so full of stress. I finally understand and can see it as an opportunity to renew.

This is the start of my birthday week. The actual day is on Friday, but I plan to find ways to be grateful every day. Last year I had grand plans of travel and road trips to take time out and contemplate. That did not happen. With car problems in two of the three family cars, I could not take away the only working vehicle. Life happens. 

The puppies turn ten months old on my birthday also. I am so pleased that they are in this world and we can watch them grow. The owners are great about sharing pictures and I love to see them develop. They are such markers for time passing.  

This week ahead (and the rest of this year) can be full of hope and purpose. It is about choice. It is about living fully -with intention. This is no dress rehearsal -so live it up now! The big things really are the little things of each passing day. Whether it is getting excited about "BLT season" or laughing in the park with friends, the time we have now matters.

Forget the measly checkbook balance, dirty floors, and smelly dogs.
We are enough. We have a safe home. We have wonderful children with fur.
Maybe this is what God has been trying to teach me this year?

I learn a lot by asking for help.

Being a loving, responsible pet owner is important to me.
I am also wise enough to seek help when something stumps me. My many years of life remind me that there is always more to learn-- about myself, my loved ones, and the world around me. I can be patient enough (and persistent enough) to ask the many questions necessary.

This summer is filled with lessons in humility for me. I know that God wants me to learn and I really am willing... I just wish that it wasn't so painful sometimes. 

One of our puppies is incredibly sick. Roughly half of his heart is in failure and he has been turned down by WSU Veterinary School for open heart surgery. We treat him with numerous medications and excellent care from a team of doctors, but it is not fixable. We work incredibly hard for a quality life, not for quantity life. 

Let me say that I would not trade one minute of time with LB for anyone else. I see the grace of our creator in his eyes often. His determination and appreciation of the smallest things is truly wonderful. I do not understand the reasoning behind this pathway in my life but I am trying to comprehend. The children with fur are appreciated and loved almost as much as the adult children.  We are those crazy dog parents, be warned.

As we approach the fall season, I hope that we can find some balance and happiness for our pup and for the whole family. There will be new "starts" in jobs for a couple of us, and changes in many areas of life. I want to be optimistic and thankful.

We are fundraising for the continued care of our heart patient puppy. This is how I am asking for help, on the site gofundme.com for Lil Blackie's Medical Bills. I am trying to loosen my grasp and open up to the Lord's plan. 

My birthday is coming up also, and I hope for laughter with family, friends, and loved ones. I hope it is sunny and warm and peaceful. It's not about things to me, it is all about the experiences. Feeling the love--

I hope that you do too..

banana Laffy Taffy

I went to the local WINCO foods to pick up a few groceries. It was a quick trip because I only needed some produce, coffee, eggs, and raw almonds. The raw almonds are kept in the bulk food section in the back corner of the store.
I had to go through the bulk candy. That is when I saw the bin filled with my latest obsession. Laffy Taffy-- specifically Banana Laffy Taffy.

I do not understand why this confection has caught my attention. It could be that I have baked my brain for too long. in the summer sun.  Perhaps the heat has caused this crazy craving? I will be kind to myself and let this run its course.

Dogs can have food cravings too. No, they are not able to satisfy their urge without human help, but they can enjoy specific foods with an attentive owner.  In our house, it is Lil Blackie who has a favorite food. His interest is more healthy than mine-- he loves WATERMELON. 

Adjusting to the changes in our house without our Kelsey may be the reason why I am having a hard time posting to this blog. I wish that I could write something with substance but it is not in me right now. The world seems quieter without her. The baying of a bloodhound is a sound that I love and that I miss.

Small summer joys are what we will work on at our house for the rest of August. I have got to force myself to laugh each day and search for more ways to make memories with loved ones. Whether we want it to or not- life goes on. Loss and grief sucks.
Hug your dog today. Let the sunshine bake your brain. Why don't you try to find a candy from your childhood that made you happy?     Give your pooch a cube of watermelon   -- he might like it.

trying to limit the steps backward

We all have bad days. The key to getting through the bad day is to look at its relevance in the grand scheme of our lives. I ask myelf if we are doing everything possible to improve the situation in the healthiest way possible. I want to make sure that my efforts are full throttle. Regrets are a b**ch.

As an owner of several dogs, I tend to always have that nagging feeling of being spread too thin. I always hold myself accountable to a very high standard of care for my pets and I always wish that I could do more.

I just returned home from a veterinary appointment with one of the pups. This little guy is monitored weekly for some heart issues and is on several medications. His health is compromised but he doesn't know it. Most of the report from the doctor was good, but there is concern in one area.

Grief is a houseguest at our residence this year. We have suffered the loss of our wonderful bloodhound -only a week ago. She had over ten happy years with us, but it is still so hard. 

It is time for me to focus on the positive and work on the rest. I will carry on.
Enjoy your Thursday.

the favorite dog toy

Rainy summer days make it hard for dogs to enjoy the back yard. Rainy summer days make the dogs restless and bored. The puppies pester the seniors and they ALL bicker over the favorite toy of the day. 

The prize today is a sad looking, torn up bunny. If you can picture Peter Rabbit as a Zombie, you have a pretty good visual of the toy.  There is nothing about the bunny that is hazardous or that could cause a choking issue, but the toy is in its last days. As soon as my husband sees it tonight, the toy will be trashed. There will be no stay of execution from him. I buy the toys, the dogs destroy them, and he throws them out. Our family system is efficient and predictable.

The puppies remind me that Mother Nature makes the best toys of all. Rocks, pine cones, and sticks are a blast- until our humans stop us from hurting ourselves. My dogs think that we worry too much.

The sun is trying to make a break through the clouds, so our confinement may be temporary. I hope that this storm is over soon, because the brothers are sick of the puppies wanting to play "bitey face" over and over. Once or twice is fun, but that tenth time is a snore.

Oh -- to have hot weather and to be allowed to play in the wading pool! Maybe our humans will BBQ while we soak? Dinner in the back yard?
Happy times ahead, when the rain stops.

sometimes you wish you could b**ch slap an optimist

Today looks like it may be one of those days that requires extra caffeine, lots of sunshine, and a kick in my own keister to accomplish my required work today. I have figuratively set fire to my gratitude journal and it will require a lot of work to rid myself of this funk. I still ask why and wonder how to fix it.
Sometimes I just don't get it.

I drove 700 miles this weekend to  attend a funeral of a dear friend's mother. The service was touching. She was a much loved lady and her children and grandchildren shared stories of their time together. All the static cleared away with the loss. Daily concerns about money, or repairs needed, or chores were put on hold. No one cared about job hunting, medical queries, or car issues. We just shared a meal and talked about our times with the departed.

The funeral was held in my hometown. It is a small mining town that is depressed economically.There are lots of homes for sale and many empty businesses. The quietness on the streets was eerie. This time I saw my old stomping grounds in a different light.  

I truly believe that I am where I should be right now in my life. I take ownership for my actions and know that I can work hard to move forward. It just tears at my heart to see my loved ones battle medical issues that are the size of Mount Everest. Both humans and canines, and none of it seems fair.

I guess it is time to focus on where I want to be, instead of where I am right now. 
The control freak that lives inside me does not believe that I cannot fix everything. Maybe the coffee is kicking in-- maybe some much needed perspective is fortifying my outlook? I hope so.

My dogs are huddling close to me this morning. These canines know me best and always offer their silent support. To just "be" in the moment-- that may be the grace in all of this. If I stop the struggle on my side- the resistance will fall apart.  

Today my visualization will be holding my hands wide open. There is no guarantee that it will make my lousy mood better, but it cannot hurt to try, right?

without use of my right thumb

I guess that I am one that did not appreciate my ten digits until one of them was injured.
I take for granted tasks like typing, buttoning up a shirt, tying shoes, and tearing open a salad bag when preparing dinner. The shooting pain (when I try to use it) reminds me that I better get creative and find means to do without my right thumb.  This is hard.

With time I will heal. My fingers will be doing what they are supposed too- without stabbing pain. This problem is so small and will soon be forgotten. This is miniscule when I compare it to my loved one's heart problems.

Our main medical advisor is waiting for word from the two expert cardiologists. We are about six weeks into the medicinal regime and each week we have to tweak the dosages, pills, amounts,etc. It is all about the quality of his life. They tell me that quantitiy is not an option. I hope that they are wrong. The stubborn part of me so badly wants a miracle. The battle worn part of me asks myself "Why him?"  He is so young.

Our oldest furry friend is having issues with aging. Her sight is poor but her sense of smell is still super (hurray for Bloodhounds) and she tires easily. The aches and pains seem to be increasing at a faster pace and I worry about her quality of life too.
My emotions are all over the place today. 

Maybe my thumb slaps me back to focus on now? Each time the pain makes me wince I want to ask for mercy, but not for myself. Not for me and my inconveniences, but for those whose health is compromised. I pray for grace in their lives daily and to feel the love and support of our Creator; for humans, for canines, for all.

it will come to me

Words have great power and can carry so much meaning.
But, there are many times when a person can be at a total loss of them.
Sometimes a person's reaction -with no words at all- can say it all. 

A person can talk till they are blue in the face, but will not be believed if the body language does not match. Honesty in voice, mind, spirit and stance must synchronize and match. Actions have got to match the story.

Dogs are excellent barometers to whether people are telling the truth or not. If your dog does not like someone, listen to that dog! You will not be lead wrong.

My words have been sparse concerning this blog for the past couple of weeks. Life is precious and a couple of my pets have serious health concerns. I am still at a loss with some of what is going on, so I cannot write about it right now. Too close. Too tender.

Does life ever slow down or do we have to stay still when the important parts happen? Centering myself and trying to "keep calm and carry on" is daunting. Emotions churn my stomach and I cannot see more than two hours ahead.

I wish everyone a genuine Monday. 

pharmaceuticals in the canines' lives

At this time in our pets lives we are juggling the medication schedule for six different pills, two eye drops, and one ointment. Three different dogs require the medication, and two of them also require eye and or ear drops. Our two year old English Bulldog named Violet still has to wear the cone to protect her eye, but the good news is that her scratch is healing. She  has adjusted to the protective collar, but she still hates it. My mopey girl thinks this device is forever.  She doesn't understand.

The humans in our household are blessed to only have to take vitamins and supplements. An  occasional pain reliever or allergy pill sometimes, but there is nothing to administer for the humans like there is for the dogs! 

This blog is not about complaining today, it is actually about gratitude. I am thankful for the medical care to help improve our lives. The responsibilties for these "children with fur" is not as overwhelming today as it was yesterday. I had a nights sleep (that was pretty decent) and I am ready to carry on.

It is a good day to get outside and get some sunshine on my head and be thankful for this day in May. 

Happy Wednesday.

will do anything for peanut butter

Peanut butter is a big deal in our house. It is the favorite treat for most of our dogs, and we humans eat it almost daily. My favorite way to eat it is in a smoothie with spinach, protein powder, flax seed, cocoa powder, almond milk, cinnamon, honey and ice. Delicious! It taste like a peanut butter/chocolate shake and is very filling. It looks terrible, but the flavor makes up for it.

My dogs just love the taste of it. Our Violet has to continue medication for her eye scratch and the only way I get her to take a pill is by hiding it in a dime- size glob. She is an expert in finding a hidden pill in meat, cheese, or other snacks. She quickly spits the pill out as she munches on the treat. With the gooey spread, she just swallows without hesitation.

This Monday at our house is a quiet one.The trust and calm that lives inside our dogs is what I strive for in my human life. It is too bad that I do not have it right now. I feel like our family is facing a painful cusp that edges to a (hopefully) stronger path for our future.
This point of transition will require a lot of hard work and a lot of faith for all involved.
I wonder if we are ready?

to ask for help

I am blessed to have the opportunity to create something new in the pet care market. With much guidance from the Women's Business Center, the Small Business Administration, and the Community-Minded Enterprises, I am writing a Business Plan and testing these new ideas. This time in my life is very exciting, but a bit nerve-wracking too.

I really think that the best lesson that I have learned so far is to just "dive in" and try!
My tendencies are to want to continue to fine tune my project forever. In my mind -I will always need to work on it and improve it. I am very critical of my own work and tend to over-analyze everything concerning dogs.

I love when God gives you signs that you are on the right path. 

This new venture started in a classroom and that makes me happy. I finished my college experience last year (when I graduated) and I loved it. School and adult learning agrees with me and makes me happy. Learning can be energizing and I enjoy collaborating with positive people.

Age is not a limitation or barrier. Age can be that enhancement and make a life with value. Experience in many things can gel together to support new ventures. Trust in the integrity of the idea. Surround yourself with people who want to try new things. Listen to their ideas and support their projects too. It is more fun to collaberate than it is to work alone.

Reach out. Enjoy. You are not alone.

Carson's eyes

As most of you know, my English Bulldog named Gus is my constant companion at home. I can count on his presence when I have my first cup of coffee in the morning- through the day, till the house grows quiet and it is time to try and sleep again. I have been his favorite human for all five years of his life, even though my husband picked him out and named him.

With our newest additions of Lil Blackie and his brother named Carson, I have watched as these six month old puppies decide how they "fit in" with our pack.

It is caffeine time again and a not so early morning -which means that Gus is beside me as I write this blog. He enjoys his place at my left foot, resting on the cool, wood floor in the dining room. I enjoy being able to check in with him with a scratch behind his ears or to pet him on his back. Everyone in my household is a creature of their habits, and we appreciate the rhythms of our day.
Carson wants to figure out how he "fits in" each morning.

Dogs enjoy being part of a pack. Most are very social and can have positive experiences if taught from an early age. Our female, Violet is restricted from her daily activities as she recovers from an eye scratch and it is traumatic for her. She loves her "take charge" days and does not understand why she cannot be with everyone else. Her pitiful whimpers at the bedroom door make me wish for a quick recovery. Her pack misses her too.

Gus has decided that it is okay if Carson joins our morning routine and sits at my right foot. He is patient with this wiggly puppy and loves that the pups want to be near him. Gus is the silent, patient uncle that is loving and loyal. They look to him as they figure out how they matter in the pack. 

It is very easy for me to just focus on my work of the day and my efforts to complete it. I can bury my head in my projects and not look up from them. Today I will work hard, but I will look up and I will look down. I will look in the eyes of my loving dogs and be appreciative for the blessing of having them in my life.

green smoothies with flax seeds added

When I was little dessert was a big deal. I am one of the youngest in a large family and money was tight. If my busy Mom had the time to bake we appreciated every home made morsel.

I am the busy Mom today but my immediate family is much smaller. I try to bake for my family but their reaction is different than my siblings in my childhood. The family is kind and appreciative but usually after one piece of homemade dessert, the remainder sits and grows stale. Sugary goodness has become the enemy and tends to be avoided by my adult family members.

Why is there such a difference between my childhood and now? As I watch half a double chocolate cake grow old, I ponder the reason that it lacks our attention.

Are we too busy to make our meals (and dessert) important?  I know that I search for better ways to utilize my time each day to get more work done. My "to do list" is always longer than the time allotted to complete it. I believe that is the norm. Our busyness seem to be multiplying and I question whether it improves our lives. Is more (completion) actually better for life in the big picture?

Faith, Family, Friends, Job searching, Business creation, Classes, and Volunteer work. Toss in some rowdy English Bulldogs and a Bloodhound and I think -- maybe the chocolate cake might help me handle this.  

Maybe it's my age? Am I a grown up because I mix spinach, flax, and protein powder with almond milk, ice and banana for breakfast?

 I hope that we ALL learn to eat dessert first. 

audiobooks, and Seth Godin's advice or "to ship it"

When I started this blog I had the grand idea that I would be one of the talented group that could write everyday. I thought that I could count on myself to establish a routine of when to write and the words of substance could flow from the keyboard. I had hoped to use this blog to check in with myself and stay present in my own life. This web log could keep me living in the now-- to check in on my own life. Reality can be different from our grand ideas.

As I look back at what I have written so far, I view my work with kind eyes not critical ones. The point of this is to see my world as I am and to live intentionally. I want to create art (of some kind) and eat an apple each day. I do not take for granted that my Gus comes to find me. I think often of the glimpses of our past selves. I appreciate these markers in my life and enjoy the look back.

Audiobooks in the car are an easy way for me to enjoy books when I am too tired or too busy to read. They are a great way to learn about something new or be carried away to another time by talented voices. My favorite classic in audio form (and maybe top ten in written) is "To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee-- narrated by Sissy Spacek. Her voice is a perfect "Scout" and I love to listen at home (not driving) with eyes closed. I am transported back to childhood, tree climbing and the perfect father, Atticus Finch.

I wish that I had Atticus to explain to me what I should do when my world is crazy. I am not six years old, but his counsel at times of stress and anxiety would be appreciated. Maybe it is time to check out this one from the library again.

The puppies turned six months old today. They have the energy and the innocence of Scout at six years. There job is to grow up. They just bark at the world when it seems crazy.

When I went to Google to make sure I was spelling Miss Lee's name correctly and to check on the name of the state, the website told me that  just today Harper Lee gave permission to allow this work to become an ebook. Incredibly COOL coincidence.