the "o" word

Many people in this world find the "f" word in the English language offensive. While I find it rather boorish and overused, I really do not have a problem with it.
I take offense with the "o" word.  

Before I tell you what the "o" word is, I thought that we could explore some enjoyable words that start with the letter.

Obnoxious. This word is very present tense and unmistakable.
Obsessive. Clear and active word.
Objective. This word is calm but positive.
Optimistic. A pleasant word that is straight forward.
Ornery. This can be good or bad.
Opinionated. Generally, this is a strong word but it can be annoying when it pertains to politics.
Obsolete. This can be a depressing word.

I guess you get the idea. The "o" word that I have a problem with is Ordinary. No other word screams that a person is settling for "less than" more than Ordinary. 

Here's to being ORIGINAL. 

So, when someone asks how we are -lets not settle for "FINE". 
That is another four letter "f" word. Maybe we could just be ORIGINAL and true to ourselves? 

kissing Gus

As a couple, my husband and I are pretty disciplined about our dog walking responsibilities.  We appreciate that our pets need the exercise and the variety of being outdoors getting some fresh air. To prevent boredom for all involved, we often get in the car and take them to the nearby coffee shop. The dogs can work on their social skills with other humans and dogs.  We can see our neighbors and friends and enjoy a beverage.

Our english bulldogs, Gus and his brother Zeke got to go to the coffee shop today with my husband. They loved the walk, met nice people and soaked up a little bit of sunshine. Many people came over and met the boys and a family with a little girl asked some common dog questions. While my husband talked with the parents, the little girl petted the bulldogs.  Then it happened again.  The little girl planted a wet one on Gus's nose. She grabbed his furry jowls and smooched away.My Gus kindly accepted her tender greeting. He loves children, She did not kiss his brother Zeke for some reason.   I do not understand why this keeps happening. 

None of the other dogs get kisses from kiddos-- it's just Gus. It is true that he looks like a big white teddy bear. I like to think that children just know who they can approach that closely. At a young age perhaps children can read the mannerisms of my sweet guy and know that he is all about love.

Whatever you are doing Gus-- keep it up. I think that you have it all figured out.

three dogs at my feet

I love when bulldogs snore.
The sounds of fur children at rest is heart warming and reassuring. No matter how cold it is outside- or how much snow may be in the clouds, right now we can relax and regroup. Our weary bones can rest. The busy day of chores, exercise, errands and grocery shopping is behind us.
Simple Saturday nights filled with snoring dogs, silent cell phones, and super hot water to soak in.
It is safe to say that it is- super.

sometimes you need cruise control in your life

I hesitate to start this post on my blog.
I have got up twice since I decided to try and write.
I want to be honest and real with myself, and keep myself in "present tense" in my own life.
It just happens to be really hard today. I miss you.

Double Pulmonary Stenosis with Partial Heart Failure

Two weeks ago, we lost him.
 I cry-- even when I type the words.

In my head, I know that it is better that he is gone. He fought valiantly. There was no way for him to win. We could not fix it. In my heart, I still feel like I failed.
I guess that it is good that I am  busy. The distractions and obligations can keep me on "auto pilot" while I comprehend this.

This blog is one of the balls that I have dropped.   This is on purpose...
It is very hard to get honest with myself and write. The sadness is too painful to touch.
 I know that we go on.  I will see him again in heaven.
I am just pissed off at this loss in my life.

when "Perfect" is the enemy of "Good"

I love it when you go to church on Sunday and the homily is still remembered on Tuesday.

I am pleased to say that I have been considering the Priest's words a lot during the last 48 hours. The readings were about Peter and his fears when Jesus walked on the water near the boat. Jesus called for him to come to him and Peter tried but fear got the best of him and he blew it. He called out "Save me Lord!" and Jesus did. He eased his anxieties and helped him. He loved him. He reassured him. All Peter had to do was ask.

I am a stubborn person who is used to doing things in my (mostly) orderly way. Like most people, I just have set patterns and behaviors that work for me. It really isn't that my plans are better than my friends or loved ones-- it is just that I will probably just carry on and try to "get my jobs done." 

Our Priest pointed out the importance of trying your best and being okay with the times that things are not perfect.  He challenged us to look at the times when we don't even try because we are sure that we cannot do it well. Those are the times when "Perfect" is the enemy of "Good." We dismiss new opportunities and challenges that we can probably do. We can learn to do it well or be good at it -in the future. We rob ourselves of the opportunity to suck at something, forgive ourselves, and try again.

It takes a lot of faith to wander into something that is foreign and to try. 

Here's to discovery! 

God still loves us when we blow it.    

Can we be that loving and kind to ourselves?  

trying to limit the steps backward

We all have bad days. The key to getting through the bad day is to look at its relevance in the grand scheme of our lives. I ask myelf if we are doing everything possible to improve the situation in the healthiest way possible. I want to make sure that my efforts are full throttle. Regrets are a b**ch.

As an owner of several dogs, I tend to always have that nagging feeling of being spread too thin. I always hold myself accountable to a very high standard of care for my pets and I always wish that I could do more.

I just returned home from a veterinary appointment with one of the pups. This little guy is monitored weekly for some heart issues and is on several medications. His health is compromised but he doesn't know it. Most of the report from the doctor was good, but there is concern in one area.

Grief is a houseguest at our residence this year. We have suffered the loss of our wonderful bloodhound -only a week ago. She had over ten happy years with us, but it is still so hard. 

It is time for me to focus on the positive and work on the rest. I will carry on.
Enjoy your Thursday.

making it to ten years old

(the wise parenting of Violet,) 

I learn something of value from my pets every day.Often it is Gus's patience, Kelsey's steadfastness, or Carson's gusto. Today it is Violet's natural wisdom in her role as a mother.

If you are of the opinion that dogs do not think or feel, please stop reading this blog NOW. 

This post was started a little over a week ago, before our life changed.  Our eldest canine, a beautful 10 year old bloodhound named Kelsey is pain free in heaven, probably walking on a beach with Q.

I wasn't going to do this to myself on a Monday morning. My girl of ten years is not "sheriffing" the little ones. Our ship has lost its mast. The quiet in our home is painful for my ears.

 Denial just keeps me flat lining. My macabre state of mind may never leave if I do not acknowledge the pain and accept that it is here. It scares the rest of my children with fur, who count on me for their care.

What do you learn from death? I guess it is to respect the present tense of life. I know that this is a "pat" answer, but most of us are caught up in our preparations for the future, or lists, or paying bills. It is very hard to be silent and still.

The aging process for pets can be rough -just like it is for humans. Her issues with ears, teeth, gums, hips, and liver were too much. The aging eyes added fear to the pain.

I would rather be heart broken than have her here- miserable. She would have gladly stayed but don't I owe her more?  The beach, pain free and happy is what she deserves. I will see her again one day.

I will write some other time about my Violet's parenting skills.  

habits (and David Sedaris)

I think that I am jealous of writers who can blog everyday. 
I honestly do not think that they have that much more to say than I do, I just believe they are better disciplined to carve out time to post. The schedules that they have put in place are working for them.
I have to ask --is my schedule is working for me?

I got away from my regular work and commitments this past weekend when I traveled to attend a funeral. I had several hours of "down time" that made me realize that I try to fill every minute at home. So much of what I do in my household is repetitive and is undone daily. Life is just happening while we figure out what to have for dinner.

I feel that I need projects with a clearer beginning and a firm finish line. Then perhaps this static of busyness will not be so blah. To live with more intention I must question what works and what does not.

When my kids were little I used to plan dinners with themes. Sunday we would grill, Monday was Italian, Tuesday was Chinese, etc, etc. This made it easy to set up a grocery list and the family was less bored with my cooking. Maybe I should have themes again?

Monday could be "discover a new part of our hometown". Tuesday could be "classic movie night from the library". Wednesday could be "hike a new trail and ice cream cone night". The possibilities are endless. Discoveries of new craft beers, kayaks, and bicycling are also appealing.

The biggest lesson concerning time that I learned this weekend is that it is finite. Whatever I want to do- I should do it now. 

I hope that you enjoy your day.

Carson's eyes

As most of you know, my English Bulldog named Gus is my constant companion at home. I can count on his presence when I have my first cup of coffee in the morning- through the day, till the house grows quiet and it is time to try and sleep again. I have been his favorite human for all five years of his life, even though my husband picked him out and named him.

With our newest additions of Lil Blackie and his brother named Carson, I have watched as these six month old puppies decide how they "fit in" with our pack.

It is caffeine time again and a not so early morning -which means that Gus is beside me as I write this blog. He enjoys his place at my left foot, resting on the cool, wood floor in the dining room. I enjoy being able to check in with him with a scratch behind his ears or to pet him on his back. Everyone in my household is a creature of their habits, and we appreciate the rhythms of our day.
Carson wants to figure out how he "fits in" each morning.

Dogs enjoy being part of a pack. Most are very social and can have positive experiences if taught from an early age. Our female, Violet is restricted from her daily activities as she recovers from an eye scratch and it is traumatic for her. She loves her "take charge" days and does not understand why she cannot be with everyone else. Her pitiful whimpers at the bedroom door make me wish for a quick recovery. Her pack misses her too.

Gus has decided that it is okay if Carson joins our morning routine and sits at my right foot. He is patient with this wiggly puppy and loves that the pups want to be near him. Gus is the silent, patient uncle that is loving and loyal. They look to him as they figure out how they matter in the pack. 

It is very easy for me to just focus on my work of the day and my efforts to complete it. I can bury my head in my projects and not look up from them. Today I will work hard, but I will look up and I will look down. I will look in the eyes of my loving dogs and be appreciative for the blessing of having them in my life.

audiobooks, and Seth Godin's advice or "to ship it"

When I started this blog I had the grand idea that I would be one of the talented group that could write everyday. I thought that I could count on myself to establish a routine of when to write and the words of substance could flow from the keyboard. I had hoped to use this blog to check in with myself and stay present in my own life. This web log could keep me living in the now-- to check in on my own life. Reality can be different from our grand ideas.

As I look back at what I have written so far, I view my work with kind eyes not critical ones. The point of this is to see my world as I am and to live intentionally. I want to create art (of some kind) and eat an apple each day. I do not take for granted that my Gus comes to find me. I think often of the glimpses of our past selves. I appreciate these markers in my life and enjoy the look back.

Audiobooks in the car are an easy way for me to enjoy books when I am too tired or too busy to read. They are a great way to learn about something new or be carried away to another time by talented voices. My favorite classic in audio form (and maybe top ten in written) is "To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee-- narrated by Sissy Spacek. Her voice is a perfect "Scout" and I love to listen at home (not driving) with eyes closed. I am transported back to childhood, tree climbing and the perfect father, Atticus Finch.

I wish that I had Atticus to explain to me what I should do when my world is crazy. I am not six years old, but his counsel at times of stress and anxiety would be appreciated. Maybe it is time to check out this one from the library again.

The puppies turned six months old today. They have the energy and the innocence of Scout at six years. There job is to grow up. They just bark at the world when it seems crazy.

When I went to Google to make sure I was spelling Miss Lee's name correctly and to check on the name of the state, the website told me that  just today Harper Lee gave permission to allow this work to become an ebook. Incredibly COOL coincidence. 

  

Let it Go

I do not always understand.
Sometimes my personal stubbornness or blinders skew the whole picture. When I get too far away from my true self, generally I get clumsy. I fell yesterday. I was mostly embarassed and suffer from a sore wrist, and bruised knees but I know myself. It is time to look at where I am on my own "List".

The generic horoscope in our local newspaper today stated  "You would be a lot happier if you allowed others to take the reins. Consider everything you could do if you didn't need to be present." This is interesting and appropriate.

A caregivers hardest job is preserving and highlighting his or her own life. Understanding that this is not a dress rehearsal should be freeing. To live a life with intention is a grand goal. A life with intention is not shallow, boastful, or selfish. It can be considerate, humble, and selfless. Perhaps an intentional life is payment for the opportunity to be alive?

The way that a dog lives is interesting to watch. Whether is is a play time, nap time or bedtime, the dog generally gives in fully to the activity. There is not a huge internal fight as to whether or not they should rest or not. The dog is not concerned with the work of the day or the schedule for tomorrow. The dog just does it.

Seth Godin writes "Worry is not preparation, and anxiety doesn't make you better." in his ABC book for grownups. It is not a coincidence that I read that today.

My dogs are pretty considerate, humble, and selfless. You can argue whether their lives have intention or not, but I know for sure-- that they are more free than I am. 

I should just do it. Hold on to what is important, and change and grow-- for my self, no one else.It is time to be less clumsy and more happy. No more tripping myself.

waiting is hard

Veterinary care is very similar to medical care-- it is an art more than a science. Just when you think that you can bring in your loved bloodhound for a procedure on her ears, the blood tests side track you and make you wait. My senior citizen dog cannot be sedated until we figure out why her liver numbers are whacked. Her ears will remain sore and the growth in her right one still sits in the ear canal.

I am not a patient person. My tendencies are to try to fix something over and over and over until I exhaust myself, figure out a solution or find someone who has the answer. I do not like to wait on tests. I loved to study for them in college and I even liked taking them, but I hate to wait for answers from medical tests.

Life threatening health problems clear up all the static in a cluttered mind. The priorities concerning loved ones are crystal clear and as a caregiver I get to work. Many times I have done this with humans and many times with my pets. Cancer in siblings or seizures in senior dogs, all that is needed is love.

The best way to love a sick person or pet is to remember that the person (or pet) is still the person (or pet). The disease or illness is not them-- they are just fighting it to the best of their abilities. Their life is dramatically altered perhaps, but it should not rob them of their individuality. What made them dear to you in the first place is still there, the threatening health problem just takes "center stage" for this act of his or her life. It is not the only act, just an incredibly serious one right now.  

Ten years of life (so far) for a large breed dog is phenomenal. My bloodhound has gifted our family with so much joy and I hope for many more days (years?) to come.
She wanted to go for her walk tonight. We almost kept her home, but I looked at her and knew that she wanted her normalcy, her routine. We walked her with the puppies-- at a slower pace than she usually goes. I don't think she minded the pace though, tonight I really watched her as she found new smells to sniff along the way. She loved the fresh air.

I was blessed to pay attention to the signs during our last two months with our Great Dane, Q. He was loved, cared for, and allowed to be himself for all of his years with us.We might be facing rough times ahead with Kelsey- but maybe not. Whatever it is, we can handle this together. We continue to wait for the medical tests.