repairing the home-

    repairing myself

I am a 58 year old woman, wife, mother and friend who has taken a COVID related sabbatical for almost a year. Stress won that battle, and I chose to step out, but I am mending. I am trying hard to not frown (and sigh) as much as I did in 2020, and I practice deep breathing and gratitude daily.

It is very easy for me to busy myself and not check in. I can fill my time with projects, chores, service for others,etc., and mostly that can be good. I like to be "of service." It is not good when busyness is to avoid or cover up other things.  

Today is the 25th anniversary of my mother's death. I am the child in the family that remembers birthdays and the death days. I remember those precious hours and days before she passed. It hurts to have such loss.That is a huge understatement. Twenty five years of doing this without her can be paralyzing. The silence doesn't get easier with time. I miss the people (dad is gone too) who know me best. 

My husband and I, and our three dogs live in a house in need of repair. We have been in the home for over twenty years and its age is showing. Fixtures have worn out, timed out, and given out. I am in the middle of one of my "busyness projects." I am very aware that I chose to do this "do it myself project" as a way to avoid my grief and my loss of my work community. Its been a rough year and a half. 

I want to use this blog as away to check in with myself. I hope it will keep me in the present tense and that it will allow me to express what is going on in life, death, and everything in between. 

Today I will be happy with whatever I complete. It is a day of possibilities. I will pause when I need too. I will breath deep in the sunshine. I will find reasons to celebrate and I may cry again, if I need too. 

I miss you Ruth Constance Crowley. 

Much love always,

your number 7 of 8