Carson's eyes

As most of you know, my English Bulldog named Gus is my constant companion at home. I can count on his presence when I have my first cup of coffee in the morning- through the day, till the house grows quiet and it is time to try and sleep again. I have been his favorite human for all five years of his life, even though my husband picked him out and named him.

With our newest additions of Lil Blackie and his brother named Carson, I have watched as these six month old puppies decide how they "fit in" with our pack.

It is caffeine time again and a not so early morning -which means that Gus is beside me as I write this blog. He enjoys his place at my left foot, resting on the cool, wood floor in the dining room. I enjoy being able to check in with him with a scratch behind his ears or to pet him on his back. Everyone in my household is a creature of their habits, and we appreciate the rhythms of our day.
Carson wants to figure out how he "fits in" each morning.

Dogs enjoy being part of a pack. Most are very social and can have positive experiences if taught from an early age. Our female, Violet is restricted from her daily activities as she recovers from an eye scratch and it is traumatic for her. She loves her "take charge" days and does not understand why she cannot be with everyone else. Her pitiful whimpers at the bedroom door make me wish for a quick recovery. Her pack misses her too.

Gus has decided that it is okay if Carson joins our morning routine and sits at my right foot. He is patient with this wiggly puppy and loves that the pups want to be near him. Gus is the silent, patient uncle that is loving and loyal. They look to him as they figure out how they matter in the pack. 

It is very easy for me to just focus on my work of the day and my efforts to complete it. I can bury my head in my projects and not look up from them. Today I will work hard, but I will look up and I will look down. I will look in the eyes of my loving dogs and be appreciative for the blessing of having them in my life.

green smoothies with flax seeds added

When I was little dessert was a big deal. I am one of the youngest in a large family and money was tight. If my busy Mom had the time to bake we appreciated every home made morsel.

I am the busy Mom today but my immediate family is much smaller. I try to bake for my family but their reaction is different than my siblings in my childhood. The family is kind and appreciative but usually after one piece of homemade dessert, the remainder sits and grows stale. Sugary goodness has become the enemy and tends to be avoided by my adult family members.

Why is there such a difference between my childhood and now? As I watch half a double chocolate cake grow old, I ponder the reason that it lacks our attention.

Are we too busy to make our meals (and dessert) important?  I know that I search for better ways to utilize my time each day to get more work done. My "to do list" is always longer than the time allotted to complete it. I believe that is the norm. Our busyness seem to be multiplying and I question whether it improves our lives. Is more (completion) actually better for life in the big picture?

Faith, Family, Friends, Job searching, Business creation, Classes, and Volunteer work. Toss in some rowdy English Bulldogs and a Bloodhound and I think -- maybe the chocolate cake might help me handle this.  

Maybe it's my age? Am I a grown up because I mix spinach, flax, and protein powder with almond milk, ice and banana for breakfast?

 I hope that we ALL learn to eat dessert first. 

audiobooks, and Seth Godin's advice or "to ship it"

When I started this blog I had the grand idea that I would be one of the talented group that could write everyday. I thought that I could count on myself to establish a routine of when to write and the words of substance could flow from the keyboard. I had hoped to use this blog to check in with myself and stay present in my own life. This web log could keep me living in the now-- to check in on my own life. Reality can be different from our grand ideas.

As I look back at what I have written so far, I view my work with kind eyes not critical ones. The point of this is to see my world as I am and to live intentionally. I want to create art (of some kind) and eat an apple each day. I do not take for granted that my Gus comes to find me. I think often of the glimpses of our past selves. I appreciate these markers in my life and enjoy the look back.

Audiobooks in the car are an easy way for me to enjoy books when I am too tired or too busy to read. They are a great way to learn about something new or be carried away to another time by talented voices. My favorite classic in audio form (and maybe top ten in written) is "To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee-- narrated by Sissy Spacek. Her voice is a perfect "Scout" and I love to listen at home (not driving) with eyes closed. I am transported back to childhood, tree climbing and the perfect father, Atticus Finch.

I wish that I had Atticus to explain to me what I should do when my world is crazy. I am not six years old, but his counsel at times of stress and anxiety would be appreciated. Maybe it is time to check out this one from the library again.

The puppies turned six months old today. They have the energy and the innocence of Scout at six years. There job is to grow up. They just bark at the world when it seems crazy.

When I went to Google to make sure I was spelling Miss Lee's name correctly and to check on the name of the state, the website told me that  just today Harper Lee gave permission to allow this work to become an ebook. Incredibly COOL coincidence. 

  

Let it Go

I do not always understand.
Sometimes my personal stubbornness or blinders skew the whole picture. When I get too far away from my true self, generally I get clumsy. I fell yesterday. I was mostly embarassed and suffer from a sore wrist, and bruised knees but I know myself. It is time to look at where I am on my own "List".

The generic horoscope in our local newspaper today stated  "You would be a lot happier if you allowed others to take the reins. Consider everything you could do if you didn't need to be present." This is interesting and appropriate.

A caregivers hardest job is preserving and highlighting his or her own life. Understanding that this is not a dress rehearsal should be freeing. To live a life with intention is a grand goal. A life with intention is not shallow, boastful, or selfish. It can be considerate, humble, and selfless. Perhaps an intentional life is payment for the opportunity to be alive?

The way that a dog lives is interesting to watch. Whether is is a play time, nap time or bedtime, the dog generally gives in fully to the activity. There is not a huge internal fight as to whether or not they should rest or not. The dog is not concerned with the work of the day or the schedule for tomorrow. The dog just does it.

Seth Godin writes "Worry is not preparation, and anxiety doesn't make you better." in his ABC book for grownups. It is not a coincidence that I read that today.

My dogs are pretty considerate, humble, and selfless. You can argue whether their lives have intention or not, but I know for sure-- that they are more free than I am. 

I should just do it. Hold on to what is important, and change and grow-- for my self, no one else.It is time to be less clumsy and more happy. No more tripping myself.

waiting is hard

Veterinary care is very similar to medical care-- it is an art more than a science. Just when you think that you can bring in your loved bloodhound for a procedure on her ears, the blood tests side track you and make you wait. My senior citizen dog cannot be sedated until we figure out why her liver numbers are whacked. Her ears will remain sore and the growth in her right one still sits in the ear canal.

I am not a patient person. My tendencies are to try to fix something over and over and over until I exhaust myself, figure out a solution or find someone who has the answer. I do not like to wait on tests. I loved to study for them in college and I even liked taking them, but I hate to wait for answers from medical tests.

Life threatening health problems clear up all the static in a cluttered mind. The priorities concerning loved ones are crystal clear and as a caregiver I get to work. Many times I have done this with humans and many times with my pets. Cancer in siblings or seizures in senior dogs, all that is needed is love.

The best way to love a sick person or pet is to remember that the person (or pet) is still the person (or pet). The disease or illness is not them-- they are just fighting it to the best of their abilities. Their life is dramatically altered perhaps, but it should not rob them of their individuality. What made them dear to you in the first place is still there, the threatening health problem just takes "center stage" for this act of his or her life. It is not the only act, just an incredibly serious one right now.  

Ten years of life (so far) for a large breed dog is phenomenal. My bloodhound has gifted our family with so much joy and I hope for many more days (years?) to come.
She wanted to go for her walk tonight. We almost kept her home, but I looked at her and knew that she wanted her normalcy, her routine. We walked her with the puppies-- at a slower pace than she usually goes. I don't think she minded the pace though, tonight I really watched her as she found new smells to sniff along the way. She loved the fresh air.

I was blessed to pay attention to the signs during our last two months with our Great Dane, Q. He was loved, cared for, and allowed to be himself for all of his years with us.We might be facing rough times ahead with Kelsey- but maybe not. Whatever it is, we can handle this together. We continue to wait for the medical tests.

birthdays of our loved ones

March 29th was my deceased brother Ken's birthday. I wished him the happiest of celebrations up in heaven. In my idea of heaven, a party is still the way to acknowledge the day. I see our loved ones surrounding him and lots of candles on top of a cake.

Yesterday was my living brother Ray's birthday. Today is my living sister Theresa's birthday. What is sad is that I still feel closer to my sibling that is deceased than I do to the two (mentioned) that are alive. The one who is gone courageously fought cancer. The two with April birthdays fight self imposed limits.

I come from a family of eight children. We were raised traditionally with both parents in the home. Our hometown industries centered on open-pit mining, mainly copper and minerals. The winters were hard, the unions were tough and everyone was strong and good looking. (Apologies to Garrison Keillor - I could not resist.)

The posts spread over social media today tell me that it is "Siblings Day". The cynical side of me sighed at the fact that marketers have made up another holiday. I will not rush out and shop so that I can tell my brothers and sisters that they are special. I doubt that any of them will acknowledge it either. That makes me sad. I am not a "hallmark card for every occasion kinda girl" but the distance and misunderstandings between us bother me.

I am not optomistic concerning reconciliation with either one of these siblings. This is not pessimism, I am just a realist. Grudges from years past came through in the last conversations with these two-- and they took me by surprise. I know that I am as stubborn as they are. I wonder if they hurt about it as much as I do? 

Our parents were the "glue" to our family, especially my dad. That job was passed down to sibling #4, but she has passed away also. There are six of us left and at best we are polite to each other. Maybe we are all afraid that we may splinter more?

I will admit that today my hormones are playing a part in this writing. I pray that my children can stay closer than I have with my siblings.

This is another way in nature that dogs are smarter than us.

On Sunday past, four of Violet's pups got together for a play date. This was the first time since going to their new homes almost three months ago. The boys remembered each other. Such happiness to see each other! Simple pleasure of each other's company. There were no worries about the disagreement with Obamacare costs, number of hospital visits, or refusals to give out cell phone numbers. The boys just accept each other where they are at. How evolved is that? 

oreos always seem like a good idea

I am better at ensuring that my dogs eat healthy-- than I am with myself.
I said it. This is a sad but true statement concerning nutrition and well being of all in our household. I feel guilty but glad that there was only an 8 pack of cookies in the house. It could have been a lot worse.

My cookie O D came from too much stress and allowing the cookies in the house. I should know better. All that those circles of chocolate and creamy vanilla center will do to me is keep me awake late at night. They will not improve my health or sleep or help me live longer. Temporary oral pleasure that I will pay for physically (sugar crash) and emotionally (guilt).

My adult dogs were happy and satisfied with the salmon, sweet potato kibble in their bowls at dinner time.The pups were happy with the holistic coastal catch that they dined on tonight.
Why the disconnect for myself?
I think that it is laughable mainly because I am a salt lover -usually not a sugar fan.

We humans make things too complicated. 

Would I be happier with two standard meals a day, served at the same time, in the same dish? Marketing tells us to add variety, more choices, and something new. Do all these choices really improve our lives or add to our stress?

My dogs never need the newest food or fad. They need to stay away from allergy triggers but that is not a taste bud issue, it is about health. Once again I need to do as I say.