laugh everyday, make art everyday and eat an apple

Job hunting is such a test of patience and faith. Even the most optimistic person needs doses of happy to get through the process. I regularly bribe myself with either coffee or time outdoors in the sunshine. Both caffeine and vitamin D stimulate so I can accomplish daily goals.

Without the structure of a traditional job I sometimes flounder and waste precious hours. (example: Why did I surf Facebook for 2 hours? ) What steps forward should a person take hourly-daily-weekly? I would like to use this time in between jobs to really make a difference in my 2014. 

Some recent advice from a job coach included the following; "to avoid burnout, a person should laugh everyday, and make art everyday." I like this plan. It is not as structured (anal) as my counting my steps, which I do- but I am pretty lousy at right now. It is more nurturing than counting my points,which I need to do again. I do not want to talk about weight loss right now.

Three simple things.
It is not so overwhelming. I have a honey crisp in the frig. I better get moving.

my perception is my reality

The morning snores of bulldogs napping is music to me. These gentle furry friends stop my "analysis paralysis" and keep me in the present day. I learn so much from my dogs. 

I made the mistake of getting on the computer this morning BEFORE I got some work done. Not a good idea. When I do this it tends to put me in a mental slow motion that will stick until I break a sweat at the gym. Contemplation of two separate ideas seems to be how I am starting my Tuesday morning.

The first idea is a relevant quote  by Byron Katie- posted today, stating 

"Discomfort is the call to set yourself free." 

The second idea is a quote on Facebook on George Takei's page:  
"One awesome thing about Eeyore is that even though he is basically clinically depressed, he still gets invited to participate in adventures and shenanigans with all of his friends  And they never expect him to pretend to feel happy, they just love him anyway, and they never leave him behind or ask him to change." 

This second post is old in the social media world, but is something I should remind myself of daily. Many people in the world deal with depression and some of them are clinically depressed. I need to love them where they are at. They need to love me where I am at.

What would the world be like with less struggle and more gratitude? My discomfort would lessen and I would be set free. I know that when I search for the good I always find it. I just need to put on the hip waders and walk through the sh*t. Persevere and get some perspective. These times do not last forever and I can make the most of what is here. I should stop expecting the bad. I am tired. 

Trust. Faith. Hope. 

the view of their world

This might be another post that ticks off the grammar police.
My Monday musing is to be jumbled at best and perhaps confusing at worst. Changes and my comprehension of (the changes) need a great amount of caffeine to help me understand--- and we have a small java supply today. 

I feel for my friends who are concerned about word usage, as misspellings seem to bother me, and my eyes stop at the error.  With grammar I tend to look at the entire message of a writing. I am a '"visual" and tend to match a picture to everything I read.   The writer's "voice" in the piece is appreciated and actually quite refreshing. Perfection tends to bore me. Yes, I drove my teachers bonkers because I found it such a snore.

With low coffee consumption and a slim, boring local newspaper- I had time to take pictures this morning and to consider the day ahead. This lovely Monday morning is easier to appreciate because we have sunshine. The sun shining will make it easier to function until I get an americano.

The puppies have finally mastered going down stairs! This is a huge change in their world. This mastery has opened up and expanded the lower half of the house, outside off the deck and the backyard. With new independence, the boys swagger with joy, realizing that "they are big kids now."

I tried to play with my photos and pixlr again. It is fun, but I better work on my list of work today. First on the list is more coffee. :)   Happy Monday. 

when you cannot fix it

Loss is hard.

It is not at the time of loss, because shock sets in and is a needed coping mechanism. At that time the situation is so new that a person scurries and tries to comprehend. The mental paralysis at the time of loss buys the hurting person time.  

It is in my nature to want to fix things. My "bulldog stubbornness" and tenacity can be attributed to growing up in a large family with modest means. There was lots of activity in the house and if I wanted to be heard, I better be loud. 

It has taken me decades to realize that I cannot fix everything or everyone I love. There is no bravado in the last sentence, just honesty and a guilt that I need to release. How do I release the guilt and not replace it with bitterness?

My inability to repair is not from lack of effort. It is from my naivety in thinking that help is always wanted. Help is not always wanted. This is the place in my brain where I must welcome personal wisdom and grow-- I must not visit bitterness and allow it in. Bitterness will rob me of my present day.  This is a struggle because I am tired. 

Kindness has to start with me. I have to be kind to myself first and work on my personal repair list. I cannot bring back what I have lost, whether it be a dog or a person or a dream. Baby steps. Two hours at a time. Sunshine on my head as spring approaches.

It starts right now.

my mom's chicken crepes

Cooking is always more enjoyable if the recipe you are preparing has a family history. Memories can come flooding back while chopping, mixing or baking. I had a memory filled dinner prep time today making my mother's chicken crepes.


When I was a child my mother would let us pick our birthday dinner. For many years, my pick was always the same- her chicken crepes. A couple of times, she would try to talk me into something easier. I always refused to budge from the dinner preference and she would finally agree. Until I started making them years later, I never realized how hard I made her work.

The chicken that is available in the stores today is different than my childhood. Cheap rotisserie chicken to quickly shred was not available. Mom first had to bake or boil the chicken, cool it, then shred and prepare it, as well as make, flip and stuff  the crepes. There were often 8+ people around the dinner table so that equaled a lot of hard work.

I wonder sometimes what my kids will tell their children about my cooking. Will it be the cross country breakfasts on Fridays? Perhaps the greasy eggs and bacon ritual before the high school football games? I really don't know butI hope that whatever they choose will be pleasant. I hope that they try to mimic the favorite dishes and tell their family of when and why it is important to them. 

My dogs study my every move when I work in the kitchen. I swear that I can work on the family evening meal for an hour and they politely watch, but if their ingredients come out of frig (even before the bowls are placed on the counter) then-- it is darn exciting! They are so easy to please. Anyone who thinks that dogs cannot tell time has never been late serving their dinner.

I think that it is because I am feeling old that I share the family history more and more. I hope to pass down history through food, or pictures, or words. This weekend I will get out the deck of cards and tell the boys about Georgetown Lake, hot dogs, sauerkraut and boiled potatoes -and playing gin rummy with my dad.

photographs and memories

I did one last check of my cell phone before bed last night. I was looking to see if I needed to charge it overnight. It was such a pleasure to see a picture texted to me from a friend.

My eyes welled up with tears. I haven't seen her in a month and when you are a baby -that is a long time. She looks great! Happy and growing into her puppy feet. Her eyes are clear and mischievous, her coat glossy and healthy.

They are four months old now. Each one is unique, interesting and thriving in their new homes. I miss them but I am so happy with the families that each puppy chose. 

This is the little girl that lives on the other side of our state with her human dad, Chris. Her name now is Poppy but I called her Avis. I am so glad that I know you.

Many times I have complained that a smart phone is an electronic leash. It can disrupt or distract from the present task. The work day is always extended with required availability for clients.
I will not complain today. I want to praise the cell phone with camera and texting now! Sweet milestones can be captured and shared.

Poppy- I am so happy to see you. 
Love, your crazy human Grammy 

just enough cookie dough

When the kids were younger, I knew the cookie recipe by heart--- half cup butter, half cup peanut butter, half cup white sugar, half cup brown sugar, egg, vanilla,etc, etc. It was easy and I could keep it stored in Tupperware and bake as needed for a dessert or snack.The kids are adults now and I don't bake much. I feel better with less gluten and none of us need the sugar.

Valentine's Day was two weeks ago so I purchased a package of Nestle ready made chocolate chip cookie dough. The square package contained 24 cookies ready to bake. We enjoyed some with the holiday meal but I put the remainder of the package back in the drawer in the refrigerator and promptly forgot about them. I remembered tonight.

The family does not share as many meals as it did when the kids were little. With jobs, school, volunteer work, and outside commitments, there are many days that we never see each other. The stars aligned this evening where we are all in the house at the same time and we were able to share a relaxed meal.

Perhaps the snow fall made it possible for all of us to be together.

The calendar tells us that the month of March has arrived. The month is definitely "coming in like a Lion". Mother Nature thinks that this means that the Pacific Northwest must be buried in snow. Our winter has not been as severe as the East coast- or even Montana in the month of February (where Missoula received 39 inches!) but tonight the clouds are dumping and I am glad to be home.

The fish tacos were tasty and dessert was appreciated. Everyone has left the kitchen and carried on with their evening plans. The only ones with me in the dining room are (of course) the dogs. It is too bad that the cookies had chocolate in them. They were delicious, but if it was just a sugar or a peanut butter -I could have shared them with my children with fur.